Affording the Rock N Roll Lifestyle

The truth about Stock Guy. He laughs like a girl. I mean a girly girl; high pitched. It’s really freaky. I don’t want to think about it anymore. Blah. Um….let’s see. Not much else is going on. Just working and stuff. I keep writing imaginary blogs in my head but never get around to actually blogging. Please enjoy the lameness that is me. I know that I do.

Asparagus pee! Well, since I just had some asparagus it turns out that I don’t get the smelly asparagus pee. Does that make me less of a person? Do I care? Not so much. Well, let’s see…oh yeah Stock Guy. His real name is Jeremy, but you see I work with him. To understand Stock Guy first you have to understand my job. I stand in front of a machine all day putting a plastic shell down, then placing a plastic poker into the shell. All day. It’s Stock Guy’s job to make sure that I don’t run out of plastic shells or pokers. How exciting is that?! Stock Guy comes by every ten minutes or so. I like to think it’s because I’m cute. He is good looking; a nice square jar, brown-hair with an orangish tint, and ooh an eye-brow ring. Apparently he’s been robbed twice in the last four weeks. I’m amazed he has clothes to wear to work. Apparently the thieves were not interested in his stylish duds. Stock Guy doesn’t talk a lot, but when he does it’s nice and sardonic.

It’s been a while since I’ve heard from the peoples. Oh wait…it’s been a while since the peoples have heard from me. Well…let’s see. Um…nothing new. Oh wait, I did start doing a little landscaping for Mrs. Ashton, a brilliant lady with excellent dishes. Also it looks like I’ll be volunteering at the Lawrence Public Library this summer. And of course I saw the Matrix Reloaded. It was cool. Cool like cool things being cool. Um…my dad got back from Georgia; we went and picked up the Harley today from the shop and I drove the new Dodge Ram home. Moohaha. Me driving a rather large truck, watch out pedestrians and dogs and things. I was good, I only hit one curb don’t worry. Do you guys know why Lawrence is cool? I’ll tell you. Apparently there is this guy, let’s call him Bill. Bill likes to be naked and doesn’t mind when other people are naked either. In fact, he thinks it’s cool and decided to make his house the naked house. So if you go over to Bill’s house and pay let’s say $25 you can hang out naked and eat chips and stuff. Stuff-like have wild nasty sex with everyone else there! Lawrence is cool. Quickly everyone to Bill’s house, the $25 includes the alcohol too. So, the annual canoe trip is coming up–not my canoe trip silly: Erica’s; which means that I get to house/dog sit for the weekend. I’m psyched ’cause I don’t have to hang with the ‘rents during the weekend and Erica has this real house with stairs and a yard and a new deck and furniture and stuff, besides she bought me food. That’s this weekend so it’ll be all exciting. The UEFA Cup Final is tomorrow. Everyone better be cheering for Celtic or I know a very big, tough Scotsman who’ll kick your ass. Well, he’ll probably just sigh and go on about his business…but you get my point. Next time I’ll tell you about the Stock Guy. He’s hot.

Mother’s Day. A day to remember all the Moms in the World or just a day to spend in bed. All day, in bed, watching movies. I highly suggest it. Unless of course you feel adventurous and go to the grocery store. Now if you go to said grocery store and buy things like vegetables and milk-because your mom doesn’t see why you really need them; well just remember that they did put that sign on the Express Lane for a reason. You know the 15 items or less. If you have over 15 items they will stop you and look at you all funny. Then when your mom trys to worm her way out of it, it just makes you think, “thank god it’s only one summer.” As for my career everyone will be happy to know that I’ll be sporting a blue collar this summer working in a box factory with jolly good steel toed shoes. Oh yeah…you should see this diamond that Heidi got. It’s like she’s getting married or something. And lo and behold the beneveolent Lisa is moving back to Larryville. Thank god, cause now I’ll have one more person to make fun of the crazies with. Miss Chapel Hill and the peoples.

Lawrence, Kansas. Home of the tornado. Come and collect debris-fun for the whole family. Unless your mother says, “Get in the closet. Here take a dog. Now stick your head in the clothes. Do it.” Now that’s just an example, not what my mother said to me while on the phone to Erica who didn’t have access to radio/television in her basement. Not at all. Now I remember why I missed the midwest. At first I thought it would be the wings, or cheap beer; but now I know….it’s the tornados. On the bright side I might have found a job for the summer; at my local public library. Oh, and I ran into Ian. He is exactly the same—-creepy. Ah yes, must give a shout out to Heather who is now Enlightened, and so I don’t forget Kendal, who is just um…older.

Last night in Chapel Hill. We decided to hit the bars, the gay bars. We planned, we mapquested, we even got chewing gum, but alas…the bar was closed. So instead we went and played darts. Ignacio de Espana kicked our asses, while Margaret got a taste of the local bar scene. Trish decided that I couldn’t make any more friends so we headed to Hector’s for a late night snack–cheese fries. The hot guy was there, but I didn’t befriend him and just ate my fries. I’m proud of me. The rain subsided and we trekked back to Whitehead for the last time. Ah….university.

I was in this barn thing somewhere in the backwood of North Carolina. It was Michael’s birthday and the goal of the evening was stealing a fish that was hanging from the ceiling. The barn was crawling with highly intoxicated internationals, you had to watch your step due to the fact that the floor was not exactly level. Then these dancers came out and Trish wouldn’t share her beverage, one of the only ones platable. Needless to say the fish remains in the barn; but on the bright side we did get a parting gift of Salsa! Doritos.

So…I guess this is the thing. I mean, the thing that will keep all of my mates entertained over the summer, since they can’t actually see me do all the stupid stuff that I do. Which, when you think about it is kind of a relief and sad all at once. It’s a relief so that they will get my revisionist history of thing, I will always win at pool, darts, or other drinking games. It’s sad because they can’t laugh directly at me. They are going to have to record their laughter and send it to me via the information superhighway, the tolls are going to kill you if the drunk drivers don’t.